omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
