I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
