Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
