I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
