Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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