genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
