I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize