He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
