So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
