I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
