I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
