i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
