well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
