i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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