i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
