Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
