A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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