Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
