I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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