i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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