my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
