none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
