It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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