He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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