Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
