I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
