my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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