I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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