Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
