Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize