why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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