i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
