it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
