...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
