Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
