Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
