I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
