i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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