Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
