that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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