dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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