you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
