tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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