I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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