I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
