so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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