Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
