from now on my penis is your penis
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
