I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
