I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
