Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
