just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
