I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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