we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
