I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
