Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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