dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
