Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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