Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
