Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Two words: blizzard sex
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
