So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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