I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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