the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize