Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
