This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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