I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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