I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
