i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
