how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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