Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
