You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wear drunk well.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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