i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
