Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
